Life's Unanswered Questions
by Aly
Summary: What happens when it looks as though Lily is working for Voldemort, and Voldemort wants James Potter dead? L/J story based after Hogwarts. R/R!!!


**Life's Unanswered Questions**

**By: Aly**

**Chapter 1: Dummy's or just dumb?**

It was five years after Lily's graduation from Hogwarts, and life had changed. She looked down at the Deathmark on her upper arm and cringed. It hurt like nothing else when a meeting was called. She quickly jotted down a note to send with her owl, pulled on a cloak and then apparated to the appointed place. As she approached the group she felt the knowing she always felt. She hated this! Life was so difficult at times like this. Staring at the fellow members she felt a pang of dread and evil. These were not the normal group that she was called with. She wasn't used to staring at Lucious Malfoy's face across from her.

"What is the mudblood doing here?" He sneered at Lily.

"Silence Malfoy." The Dark Lord Hissed. "She is useful."

Lily started trembling. _'Useful?'  "How may I serve you?" she asked instead. Glad that she had learned years earlier to mask her face and voice to the way she really felt. _

~Flashback~

"Oh look. Evan's is crying." Sirius Black said.

"You mean she has feelings?" James answered and they both laughed.

Lily looked up from the desk where she had been studying. She'd gotten a letter from her sister, the first one she'd received in her five years at Hogwarts that she'd wanted to save it to read later. The news had been shocking. Her parents where dead. 

Remus looked up at them. "Come on you guys. Leave her alone."

"We're only teasing her Remus," James said. "Seriously I don't think she cares. She doesn't have feelings. You've seen her. She's like an ice queen."

_'Do they not realize that I'm here?' Lily asked herself. __'Or do they just not care?' _

"You guys the people who really know me think I'm different too." Remus said softly, only no one heard him.

Lily took a deep breath and closed her eyes. _'It doesn't matter. Nothing matters. Nothing at all.'_

She then stood up and managed a short laugh. "Nothing you say is going to hurt me James. So you might as well say what you think of me now and get it over with so I can get on with my wonderful day."

James raised an eyebrow. "You really want me to say what I think?"

_'No.' "Oh of course. It's not like it's going to matter right?" She managed a half smile that time too. _

_'That I don't know why I say these things to you? Just whenever I'm around you I stop thinking and I can't control the things I say. I just say the things that pop into my head. That I'm only mean to you because I don't know how else to act. I can't go around kissing you can I? The fact that you were crying just a minute ago kills me, but there isn't much that I can do or say that will make you feel better. I hate they way you make me feel, but at the same time I don't know how I'd live without it Is that what you want me to say?' James thought. But he said, "That you're a spoiled brat who doesn't realize what she has in life and how lucky she is so she walks over people. That you think you're so special you don't even have to think about what you do, you just do it. You don't care about people. You only care about yourself. So you deserve everything I say about you, don't you?"_

"If that's what you think about me, then yeah I do." And then she walked off.

~Present~

Lily shook her head as the memory flooded her. She hadn't cried since, at least in front of people. She'd learned very quickly that if you want something, you can't show people that you want it or they'll take it away from you. She'd wanted friends, but she never had them. She'd wanted her sisters love, but that had been taken away from her as well. The only thing she'd ever gotten that she had wanted was her parents. But they too had been stripped right out from under her. It was better not to make things personal than to get hurt.

"My dear," Voldemort started, "There are some things that need to be…taken care of. Seeing as you have the trust of many non-followers, it should be rather easy for you. I want you to find James Potter. And once you do that, I would like for you and Lucious to kill him." He smiled evilly. "It should be rather easy."

"Why?" Lily asked, before she could stop herself.

"Why?!" Voldemort screamed, his eyes like fire. "You dare to ask me why? It should be enough for you to know that **I want him dead!"**

"Yes master. I will see to it as soon as possible." She muttered quietly. "And then I will have Malfoy—"

"Sir I do not see why I need that mudbloods help!" Lucious interrupted. "I could find Potter on my own. I don't need the girl."

"Oh you do. Believe me, you do." Voldemort said. "Everyone but you two are dismissed. Now go." And with that the group was gone.

"I don't need you." Lucious growled at her. "We shall see who finds Potter first." He then trailed a finger through her hair and down her face. "You are a pretty little thing though aren't you. I've thought so since our first year. Even though you are a mudblood."

Lily tried not to recoil. _'Just remember what you're here for.'  "I've changed a lot since Hogwarts Lucious." She said as she stepped closer, so that her body was right up to his. "So much you wouldn't even believe."_

His hand was trailing down her side now, "Oh some things I would." He pulled her closer, and kissed her.

Lily closed her eyes and steeled off her mind. _'This is the sickest thing you've ever had to do. You better get a big pay raise for this.' _

Just then she saw a light and heard a voice. "I didn't know that this is what they did at Deatheater meetings." The voice was James Potters. She'd notice it anywhere.

"Maybe if you were a deatheater you'd get some action. Unlucky for you though you haven't caught yourself a deatheater. I brought Lily out here because it's such a romantic spot. " Lucious said, reaching for his wand. 

Lily knew what he was going to do and was praying there was some way she could stop him. It would not be easy to explain to her chief if James suddenly died. Then James went white. "Lily Evans?!" He asked shocked. "You're a…a…deatheater?"

_'Just play it cool Lily. You can't let Lucious know.'  "It's like M-Lucious says. I'm here for pure enjoyment." She asked coolly. _

"However, you do present a perfectly good opportunity for me." He grinned evily. Prepare to die Potter." Malfoy cried, pointing his wand at James.

"Bad decision Malfoy." James said as seven other aurors came out from behind tree's. "You've just been busted."

"Potter, you can't arrest me for saying I was going to kill you. I've said it to you at least a million times growing up." He sneered.

"True. I can bring you in for questioning, however." He moved his head in Lucious direction. "Bag him boys. I'll take in Evans."

He took his magical handcuffs and pulled Lily close to him as he handcuffed him to her. "What are you playing with Lily? I suspected a lot of things of you at Hogwarts, but never this." He glared at her. "You've gotten real low this time."

"Look James. I know you don't think very highly of me, but I'm not what you think I am."

"Oh yeah. There are a lot of things I think you are and I bet my life you're one of them."

"Like what?" Lily stopped and stared at him.

"For one thing you are sitting here, where a very reliable source said there would be a deatheater meeting. Second, you were kissing Malfoy." He said disbelievingly. "That doesn't say very much for you. I have a lot of questions to ask you, but you shouldn't answer anything yet or I'll have to use it in Wizard court."

Lily laughed and shook her head. "Just you wait James. You don't have anything on me. Anything."

"You wanna bet? I'm bringing in two deatheaters. One who's been through auror training. You may very well be the rat who's giving out information from our side."

"You think I could give over information to Voldemort? He killed my parents. You know that James."

James shoved him into his car. "Yeah I do. Which makes this even less believable. But I guess that's the way our world is right. You always were good at pretending things."

~Flashback~

Lily sat looking out at the lake as the full moon shone on her. _'She is so beautiful.' James thought to himself. The moon made her hair look like fiery silver. It was gorgeous. They were now in they're seventh year, and were head boy and girl together. He went and sat down beside her, his hand almost touching hers._

"What do you want Potter?" She didn't even have to look at him. She had felt his presence as he walked up. Had smelled what was only James Potter as he sat down.

"Look, I know I haven't exactly been the nicest guy to you over the years." He started.

Lily scoffed. "Understatement of the century."

"But," He continued stronger. "I'm sorry. I was rude and selfish and every other name in the book you want to call me."

"Believe me James. You don't even want to get me started on what I could call you."

"I'm trying to apologize here Lily." He looked right into her eyes. Big mistake. He was getting lost in the emerald depths.

"Well," Lily said softly. "You have a lot to apologize for." _'Oh my heart, I'm drowning.'_

"Look Lily. How can I make it up to you?"

_'I can see why they call if falling. Because that's what I feel like now, and I'm falling fast.'  "Well…you could do this." And then she kissed him. She didn't know why, but she did._

James pulled back after a few minutes. At least it seemed like minutes. You can't really tell. Time seems to go quickly when you're um…yeah. "What'd you do that for?"

"A girl needs to have a reason to kiss someone?"

"Well I thought that most did. You know the whole hidden agenda thing?" He grinned at her.

"You of all people should know I'm not like most girls."

_'I'm begin to see that.'  "Yeah well you don't go giving a guy one of the best…I mean you don't go kiss some guy and then glare at him. It's not natural!"_

"Who said I was natural? Maybe I'm just good at pretending things."

_'I'm beginning to see that too.' He thought. But he just walked away, flinging his hands in the air and she thought she heard him mutter "women."_

~Present~

She tossed her hair. "And you weren't? You're so pigheaded James. You haven't changed at all."

"Look. You're insulting an Auror. That's not going to look very good on my report."

"Oh Mr. Big Bad Potter Auror is going to bust me." She laughed. "You've got a surprise coming to you."

"Why don't you just tell me and get it over with. It'd make my life a lot easier."

"Me? Make your life easier. You must be joking."

"Oh yeah I forgot. You hate me."

"At least you've gotten one thing write all evening." She muttered.

**********

Harold Potter looked at his son and shook his head. "You've been yelling at me all night but it's not going to change anything. You are to release Lily Evans. End of story."

"Dad! I found her where that tiger person said the deatheater's were meeting. She was also kissing Malfoy, one of the main guys we practically know is a deatheater and you want me to let her go? Are you insane?!"

"James. I told you. End of story. Let her out and send her in here. I need to have a little chat."

James kicked a cabinet and didn't let himself groan until he was out of the room. "Ouch!" he screamed. He then walked over to the room Lily was being contained in. When he walked in she was grinning. "Am I out yet?"

"How the heck did you know you where going to be released?" He asked, very upset by now.

She grinned again, reminding him of that stupid muggle movie with that Cheshire cat. "Let's just say you're father and I have a little deal."

"You have a deal with my father!" He said, practically screaming by now.

"Cool it hot stuff." She said coolly.

"Sit back in that chair and explain."

"I don't have to explain one thing to you Potter."

"That's Mr. Potter Lil."

"Yes, Mr. Potter Lil." She said sarcastically.

"Get out before I do something I'll regret."

"Ooh I'm so scared."

"Seriously Lily. Get out."

"Or what?"

"This." And then he kissed her. It was the same as he remembered it. Explosive. 

Lily forgot what she was doing and put her arms around his neck. _'This is bad. Bad very bad. But…no it's bad. Bad."_

He backed off. "I thought it was rather good actually."

She sighed frustratedly. "Just shut up and unlock the door so that I can leave."

"I suppose I could do that, Lil." He grinned.

She licked her lips, making James look at them again. "Good. Please. Now."

"Impatient aren't we."

Glaring she kicked him and pushed him against the wall. _'The things you learn in training.' "Let me out James. Now."_

"Touchy." He whistled, but he let her out.

As she walked to his dad's office, he noticed that she knew exactly how to get there, he frowned. "What the heck is going on?" he muttered.

**********

"Harry I'm sorry. I didn't know that it would be a short meeting."

"I know that Lil. Don't worry about it. You're our best spy, you give us the information you need. But I know you're holding back."

She sighed. "I've been given an assignment."

"Oh?" He questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"Ihavetokillyourson." She said fastly.

"Wow slow down Bessy. For a minute there I thought you said you had to kill James."

She bit her lip and crinkled her nose. "Um. I kind of do."

"What?"

"Um. Well you see, it's one of life's unanswered questions. Voldemort has me playing with the _big boys now and he wants me to kill James. With the help of Lucious Malfoy."_

"By when?" He asked.

"There isn't really a set date. It's just one of the things he wants me to do. I'm supposed to reel James in and then contact Malfoy when I've done that. Then  Malfoy comes in and does the dirty work."

"Ok. Well you'll just have to not reel him in."

"It's not that easy."

"Oh no." He groaned. "What did you do?"

"It wasn't me, really. It's just Malfoy and his ego! We're kind of racing to see who can kill him fastest."

Harry put his head in his hands. "You want to kill me don't you?"

She grinned. "How'd you guess my main goal in life." She put a hand on his shoulder and sighed. "But honestly, I'm working on a plan right now. I'm thinking of a way I could make it work, but it's still kind of all jumbled in my head."

"Lily do I want to trust the life of my son in your hands? I mean your ideas…" He trailed off as he grinned.

Lily laughed and punched him lightly in the stomach. "Careful. I've already given your son a black eye."

"What?" He asked.

"Well…he kissed me."

"He did what?" Laughing this time.

"He kissed me. For a while…"

"Oh and you just let him."

"I said no…eventually. But that's not the point."

"So when's the wedding."

"Oh that's a great idea. We can have a wedding and…wait a minute! What better way to say Voldemort can't kill James until the wedding."

"Lily there is no wedding."

"You missed the point." She started walking around the room. "Alright. Here it is. James and I start mock dating. We'd have to do in public area's, so that Malfoy couldn't kill him. I could use that as an excuse as to not kill him then, and then we decide that James and I are going to be married. It will be a private wedding. Just close friends and family. That can be when we make a magic James dummy." She laughed. "James dummy. Heh."

"I don't see the humor."

She laughed again. "Sorry. Anyway so the real James takes a Polyjuice potion, and then just sits around and watches himself get killed." She grinned. "Sound good to you?"

"It could work. A little far fetched, but it could work." He thought for a minute. "I don't think James would go along. And if he does, could you keep your hands off each other."

Lily gasped. "I think I could manage that."

He laughed. "I meant like away from each other's throats." He then grinned. "I'm not too worried about the kissing. I wouldn't mind getting a daughter-in-law. Especially you."

"Look, you know I love ya Harry. But the only pro in marrying your son would be you."

That was when James walked in. "Marry your son? You're going to let her marry Daniel? He's only ten! And I don't think mum would enjoy the thought of her being in love with you while she's married to him." He glared at Lily. How dare she kiss him when she really wanted his father.

Lily burst into laughter. "He thinks I'm in love with you Harry." She practically fell on the floor. "Oh!"

"Actually son, Lily's going to marry you. After all you are madly in love with her. Or you will be."

"What?!"

Lily was still laughing. "You'll have to explain it." She took a deep breath but then burst out again. "I…I can..can't."

"Ok James. Fast version. Lily equals secret agent. Lily and Malfoy supposed to kill you. Therefore in order to postpone that you date Lily then marry her. They kill a dumb you at the wedding. You go into hiding." He then smiled. "Clear."

James just looked confused.

"How will we discern the dumb James from the smart James?" She then broke out laughing again. "Oh! It won't matter. They're both dumb" And went into giggles.

"Hey." James pouted. "I'm not dumb. If I were I'd actually go along with this."

"I'm sorry son, but you have to."

"I don't have to do anything. I'm an adult."

"As your boss I'm making you for your protection. If you don't, you're fired."

He gasped. "Dad! You can't do that."

"Watch me." He grinned as he pulled out the termination papers.

"Fine." He groaned. "Fine. As long as I don't really have to marry that…that witch."

"Wow! You finally realized I can do magic James? I thought you would have realized that when I got highter N.E.W.T.S and O.W.L.S scores than you." She grinned. "Come on **love_ we have work to do."_**

As she pulled him out of the door he took one last pleading look to his father, who just laughed.

**********

**_Author:_**

**_Well what'd you think? Please review and give me idea's and let me know what you think. I don't usually write stories for me, but this one is kinda helping me relieve stress so if James ends up acting stupid, you'll know why. *grin* And if any of you have read B.A.G. (Boy against girl) I am still writing it. Just taking a long break while I compile my thoughts. And if you haven't READ IT! _**

**_*smile* Thank you and have a great day. Come again!_**


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